@SIDEOFRICEPILAF

I've created a comedy brand on Instagram, @sideofricepilaf, that features my original content; memes, mash-ups, and awkward moments from my actual Bar Mitzvah. In just over two years, my account has acquired over 40,000 followers and has been featured on the top page of Reddit, Buzzfeed, LADBible, Betches, and Worldstar.

Freddy Prinze Jr is the manager, Hanson is the house band, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas is going to ask you what size shoes you need.

Or call it "Schmear We Go Again"

If "balancing 16 awkward items on top of each other while you walk around Whole Foods" was an Olympic event, I'd be the Usain Bolt of said event 🥇

If you dare mention the word "vodka" around me, gonna be a one-way ticket to barf city.

Getting a drink in LA is easy: put a folded $20 bill between your fingers, flash a Ned Flanders smirk in the direction of the bartender for 25 minutes, get frustrated, leave the bar, and pour yourself a Casamigos/soda at your apartment. Voilà!

Passing out in your friend's chilly apartment without a blanket is the suburban version "naked & afraid"

The same people who claim "i am nott a racist, I have a black friend"

My mother, the woman married to my father, talks about Bruno Mars "rhythmic hips" entirely too much.

RIP to any dude who's been told by their crush, "aw you're such a good friend"

I hate that I made this Sam Smith pun. And I know I'm not the only one.